Yet Another TripAdvisor review roundup

Noisy moving stuff

Yet Another TripAdvisor review roundup

Let’s face it: some TripAdvisor reviews are every bit as much fun as 9gag memes.

So why on earth would we not do a Yet Another TripAdvisor Review Roundup (YATRR) post?

I say, by golly we shall, and shall, we will!

Without further ado, be tickled by the following words.

Warning: the following are actual reviews written by entities claiming to be of human origin. Parental guidance advised.

Read on…

A box full of people shouting at one another?

The actual review:

…it is done in the dinning/serving table at the entrance of the so called dinning container.

A typical “dinning container”? Must be really uncomfortable in there…
A typical “dinning container”? Must be really uncomfortable in there…

Fetching reinforcements…

The actual review:

Horrible. Coming back next year hope to see improvements. This tym im bringing whole lot of people from pretoria. Please do not disappoint.

“We’re a whole lot of people from Pretoria. We’re here for a bad time. You better not disappoint!”
“We’re a whole lot of people from Pretoria. We’re here for a bad time. You better not disappoint!”

Needs someone to share in his suffering

The actual review:

This year I stay with my wif in this hotel for two nights & I would like to share our terrible experience.

Two men and a woman
“Hey mister, come share my wif. We’ll have a terrible time. I promise.
” “I think you need a doctor…”
“He’s right, honey.”

The desktop calendar, bell and brochures were having a bad day and taking it out on the guests.

The actual review:

…and the reception stuff was rude…

The wall clock also “chimed” in…
The wall clock also “chimed” in…

Everybody wants their food to be longer

The actual review:

and the food was short and wasn’t up to standard.

These Pug hot dogs won’t do…
These Pug hot dogs won’t do…

Only two cockroaches? What a ripoff!

The actual review:

The rooms are very neat and clean, but to my surprise at the buffet breakfast I got 2 cockroaches.

“I thought I was getting more!”
“I thought I was getting more!”

Rooms too close together.

The actual review:

Rooms are centimetres apart.

Welcome to our establishment. Name, please. I see you booked two rooms. Excellent. The first room is just down the hall, the next a hop and a skip down the valley. Just get in your vehicle, drive 20 kms and you’ll see it on the left. Best take some amenities and a late night snack. Room service is somewhat delayed.
Welcome to our establishment. Name, please. I see you booked two rooms. Excellent. The first room is just down the hall, the next a hop and a skip down the valley. Just get in your vehicle, drive 20 kms and you’ll see it on the left. Best take some amenities and a late night snack. Room service is somewhat delayed.

They were useless, but it didn’t matter, since they didn’t exist in any case. Or did they…

The actual review:

…from reception with unqualifies,clueless,non existing guys(short-dark and one with flying cut) are so useless…

Nothing worse than a lazy ghost receptionist.
Nothing worse than a lazy ghost receptionist.

Pranking his girlfriend?

The actual review:

Am totally disgusted. Had my girlfriends shoes and sandals stolen out the room.

He was told the hallway would contain a lot more cacti.
He was told the hallway would contain a lot more cacti.

Broken record?

The actual review:

Hotel standards have Dropped. Room was in poor condition. Service was Terrible. Hotel standards have Dropped. Room was in poor condition. Service was Terrible. Hotel standards have Dropped. Room was in poor condition. Service was Terrible.

But are you sure? …are you sure? …are you sure?
But are you sure? …are you sure? …are you sure?

Because food should be more than just cooked

The actual review:

The food was less than average drowned in gravy and cooked. Just cooked.

We hope the food is to your liking. At your request the chef did more than just cook it and drowned it in gravy, but the gravy burnt away, unfortunately.
We hope the food is to your liking. At your request the chef did more than just cook it and drowned it in gravy, but the gravy burnt away, unfortunately.

A hotel proudly run by psychopathic killers.

The actual review:

They gave us the room in the floor

"The Room In The Floor", coming to a cinema near you.
“The Room In The Floor”, coming to a cinema near you.

Strictly go dancing

The actual review:

got out of there within fifteen minuets

It’s dirty to make your guests dance to freedom, just dirty.
It’s dirty to make your guests dance to freedom, just dirty.

Rappers seem to enjoy leaving reviews on TripAdvisor

The actual review:

When you speak to management they rude slam doors in your face.

Yo, take a drive from this dive, get yoself outta this place!
Yo, take a drive from this dive, get yoself outta this place!

The actual review:

…Carpet was fity.

Fity what? Rands? Cents? Or perhaps it was a cantankerous carpet…
Fity what? Rands? Cents?
Or perhaps it was a cantankerous carpet…

Doing business with bloodsuckers

The actual review:

…contracted insect bites whilst staying here…

Seems the contract was signed (in blood) by all parties…
Seems the contract was signed (in blood) by all parties…

A hotel room that knows if you’ve wet your bed

The actual review:

The room i booked last week was heavily smelling urine.

Sit, room, sit! Yield, room! Stay! What’s that? You smell something funny? Um, wasn’t me… Must have been the previous guests… That stain? It’s uh, water, from when I brushed my teeth.
Sit, room, sit! Yield, room! Stay! What’s that? You smell something funny? Um, wasn’t me… Must have been the previous guests… That stain? It’s uh, water, from when I brushed my teeth.

Very cool crib

The actual review:

I approached a manger, he was wearing glasses…

“Yo, sup. You looking for me?”
“Yo, sup. You looking for me?”

Sleeping Beauty needed a new room

The actual review:

…noisy had to move our room 1 floor down…

I guess Sneezy, Dopey and Sleepy were busy…
I guess Sneezy, Dopey and Sleepy were busy…

She craved the love of a man dressed in black

The actual review:

The driver was very aloof.

Perhaps the next driver should propose? At least give her a necklace to prove his undying love…
Perhaps the next driver should propose? At least give her a necklace to prove his undying love…

If you can’t get what you want, try extreme metamorphosis

The actual review:

I manged to move to a different room the next night…

Just don’t forget the flea collar. You’re sharing the hotel with humans…
Just don’t forget the flea collar. You’re sharing the hotel with humans…

It’s just a little too cramped

The actual review:

The toilet space is so small you cannot even seat in peace…

I’m sure he missed an h somewhere…
I’m sure he missed an h somewhere…

Germs and procreators, beware!

The actual review:

The entire building smelled of sex and germs.

GerMan can smell sex and germs from miles away!
GerMan can smell sex and germs from miles away!

There you go, a list of beautiful reviews from one of the world’s foremost review websites.

Your thoughts?